I'm in a weird place.
A really weird place.
I don't even know where to start.
two hours later..... I still don't know.
ugh. I can't write about what I'm going through right now because it's too much, I'm too presently involved. I need to separate myself from it some before I get into it.
I'm pretty sure I'm feeling the full spectrum of emotions as of a couple of days ago, and let me tell you, it's AWEFUL. How torturous are feelings? Holy shit.
I've been so numb. So not present, I had almost accepted that as who I was. In a way I'm glad I am not feeling like that anymore but I don't even know if it matters, like maybe it would have made a difference ummmmmm....... MONTHS ago. But now........ not so much.
Don't get me wrong, I run through the motions well. I know what I should feel, I just haven't been able to feel any of it. I'm pretty sure I've been that way pretty much since August.
How messed up is it to just run through the motions, it makes me feel bad for everyone in my life. I haven't been me. And now that I'm getting it back I really don't have any motivation to do anything or go anywhere. Feelings are overwhelming. Well, when you've got more on your mind than you ever thought you would anyway.
well I've pretty much told you nothing, but I'll try to work on something for next time.
till then, xoxo