I’m sure you’re all just DYING to know what I’ve been doing, but I’m going to leave you in suspense a while longer.
I know I tell you all about me, all the time, in almost every post, because well, this is my blog….. and I don’t really know if anyone reads it anyway so…. It doesn’t really matter.
I mean we could talk politics, …. HA. Just kidding….. I don’t want the one random person who was bored enough to actually come here and read this to fall asleep. And don’t we all get enough of the news… I think so… not real news, they don’t air real news. Or tell real truths, and that’s what I’m here for. The nitty gritty. The truth, no matter how ugly is it, or how bad it makes me look.
But I’m definitely holding off on writing about the past few months, lets just see how it plays out first before I throw every person everrrrr under the bus.
I fell out of love with myself guys.
Somewhere along the way I lost sight, but hey, it happens. I’m already on my way to falling back in love again. Although I’m really not too sure about my new hair cut…
Honestly, I’ve been kind of shitty. To myself, to other people… but one thing I’m sure of is I can never do anything I truly don’t want others to know about, because… well…. I’m going to tell you. But not today. Today is about falling in love with myself again.
It’s already working, just typing tonight I feel like I’m getting in sync with my personality, it’s been hiding. So here are some things about me you may already know… and some things I’m betting you probably don’t.
First, I’m 25 and I think I’m old. Like… OLD. I think it’s just that raising two children will do that to you, and seeing as my lovely brothers will be 21 this year… I feel ancient. Ok, I might not have "raised" them… but I did a lot, a lot more than I should have had too and a lot more than most children… Sometimes they make me proud, others….. yeah.
MOST children brighten my day. I love them. I want 7, yes seven. I also really hope I have triplets. I do have a forever alone plan that involves adoption, because there are very few people in this world that I could imagine spending the rest of my life with, aka none. Or none that are on my radar at the moment, because that entails actually being available.
This is just like my Myspace bio guys!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m just going to tell you so many random things, no one actually cares about.
My favorite color is blue. I hate people. I have a grumpy cat shirt that says "I had fun once It was awful" and it is quite possibly the best …. Ehhhh top five best wardrobe items I have. I love Michael Jackson. I still sleep with a teddy bear, on occasion. I love my friends. I don’t consider very many people to be my friends. I have a lot of acquaintances that probably consider themselves my friend… but most are not. I would do absolutely anything for a select few. I have a big heart, but just typing that made me cringe because I have this emotionless persona that I have grown quite fond of that stems from my lack of enthusiasm on a daily basis. I am almost incapable of showing a broad spectrum of emotions. I’m either in it or I’m not, there are every few inbetweens. I either care a whole freaking lot or I don’t care at all. And even when I do you might not know it, because honestly, I just don’t know how to translate feelings into actions well. I’m good at being honest, but I never sound sincere. Most the time when people think I’m looking at them I’m actually looking right through them. I have like 12 best friends. I have a top 3 and then everyone else ties for 4th. My friends range in age from like 19 to 52. I’m a hopeless romantic but I fight feelings. It takes time, patience and persistence to break down my walls. I don’t even realize I’m holding back that much until later, when looking back at a situation. I don’t regret anything. I’ve done a lot of stupid shit but it’s a learning process and everything happens for a reason. I truly believe if it’s meant to be it will be, but not everything fits into my time lines I like to put on things. Sometimes I give up too easy and sometimes I hold on too long. And sometimes I just need someone to hit me and tell me how stupid I am, everyday, until I actually hear them.
I would absolutely love to be a stay at home mom who also runs her own business. I’m far from a feminist. I would stay home and do house work and make food every day if I could. I love food, I love making it just as much as I love eating it. Real food, fresh food. Straight from the garden, which is another thing I want to have. Food food food food food. Honest local small farms and all things truly organic have my heart.
And while I’m at it, Pretty Little Liars is my favorite show. I also watch Angel, Charmed, Revenge, Arrow, and One Tree Hill. I miss All of That and Are You Afraid of the Dark, and all things good, unlike most things on television today.
God is important in my life, even if it doesn’t always show.
Oh yay, I remember who I am… and you are probably asleep.
Promise to post something more interesting next time.
Till then….. xoxo