So, I don't really know how to translate everything into a post, bear with me.
Back to the boys. They were the highlight of my week. I started hanging out with them during track and cross country meets. You could always find me at their camp site or wherever we might be, my coach even knew where to find me if he needed me.
However, there was a transition period where I wasn't suppose to drive out of town when I was 16 and I kind of started hanging out with my douche bag friends again. But a couple times a week my boys would come see me (: So my circle of friends would mingle on occasion.
In all honestly I didn't like that one bit. I liked to keep my friends to myself. I was never one for sharing.
So, I would have people over at my house just to hang out and be stupid. I don't even remember what we did, like watch movies and act like retards pretty much. I remember one time a bunch of us were hanging out in my basement and Ty, Justin, Lee and Carson showed up. I just loved them, they called me from my driveway, I had no idea they were coming. They came in and talked to my mom and then came downstairs and hung out with us for awhile and my little brothers came down and tried to beat Ty up. Good times.
Every once in awhile we would all hang out uptown together. Ty and Justin came to town more than anyone else, they were my favs. I never really thought anything of it. But one morning I woke up, some place I shouldn't have been, with a voice mail from Ty that was super cute. I still didn't read much into it and I think my not caring attitude bothered him some because one night I was babysitting my hellacious little cousin and I got quite the voice mail from none other than the bitches themselves, from Ty's phone. They went on about how Ty didn't even like me and I needed to leave him alone because he thought I was annoying. Obviously trying to tell me that he liked them better seeing as they were hanging out with him and I wasn't invited. Honestly, I actually found it kind of amusing. They spent so much time and energy trying to get under my skin, who does that? Is your life really that uneventful that you need to interfere with mine... come on now. They called me like four times, I was just like really.... because I have nothing better to do than deal with your bullshit, not. They all hung out for like a week, and even when they were around I still got invited by at least one of the boys in the group. They weren't doing a very good job of showing me who had the upper hand. When they did show up I would leave, but I always took people with me, no need to sit through the awkwardness when I could be somewhere else without the dramatics. For that whole week Ty was talking to one of my friends. The girls might not have gotten under my skin, but Ty kind of did, which I'm sure were his intentions seeing as by the following week we were kind of a thing.
And for a long time we were just kind of a thing. We never dated, obviously, because I didn't date. But for about a year we were something, ha. Casually seeing each other... I don't know. We made out a lot, drank most weekends, the guys smoked weed sometimes but not a lot at first. I'm pretty sure Ty's bipolar.
One time I walked into Rays house on the phone with my best friend at the time, Keith and Ty got all butt hurt about it and didn't say a single word to me. He just got up and left and didn't talk to anyone for the next THREE days. All because I was on the phone with a guy. It was crazy. And he would just do that from time to time, not talk to anyone for a few days, drove me insane. I would go over and hangout with Ray until Ty decided to come around again, and then everything would be fine, but we wouldn't talk about it why he did that.
Hanging out at Rays was a slippery slope guys. Before hanging out there the guys smoked weed occasionally, but once everyone started hanging out there it started to become more of a regular basis thing. It really didn't help that Ray's mom condoned it. Hell, she would roll a joint for them and smoke it with them. I was soooo shocked the first time I witnessed this! Seriously, what the hell .... there is just so many things wrong with that. Of course I thought it was alright when she let us get drunk there but I mean... I believe there is a difference.
Smoking become an everyday thing for them and it really bothered me but I was me so of course I didn't say anything. And then everything happened seemingly fast. They started popping pills, then doing acid. I remember acid the most because I can recall Justin talking about a bad trip he had one day, in detail and wondering why anyone would want to do that to themselves. I started distancing myself and Ty had already became distant. But at the same time we still were hanging out every now and then. We never talked about the drug issue, one night we were watching a movie at my house, laying on the couch together and I saw him text someone and tell them how much it was for a dime bag. Yeah, that's how I found out he was dealing drugs, and you know what, I didn't say anything. Yeah.... I have no idea why I was so scared to speak up for so long about things but I 'd say it greatly effected my life in many ways.
The week after that Ty went to a house party in a town like an hour away with some people and ended up hooking up with some girl, which I obviously found out about. He had told her that he had just recently stopped seeing me and a bunch of shit, while he was still sweet talking me. Her and her friend came to the county fair to see him! I was so mad, anddddd when I went to leave he fucking chased after me and offered to drive me to my car. I let him, ha.
PAUSE-- I would just like to say I am not innocent in any of this, I just never got caught. I had been on the fence about talking to someone else until I found out about this other girl.
So, this particular night was the 4th of July, and the whole time Ty was taking me to my car I was texting this other guy I had been on the fence about. I ended up going to see him after Ty dropped me off. But he went back to the fair and hung out with this other girl, Kim so at this point we were just playing games. It was stupid.
A few days later I snuck out after curfew and Ty picked me up and we went to his pond, there were a few people there, we had a fire. Ty and I went on a walk and ended up talking about "us" at the waters edge. Which was kind of a joke because obviously we were over, we were just still trying to keep the other from being with anyone else. We talked about Kim and he told me she didn't matter to him and that he wanted to be with me and he had messed up, blah blah. You know the story line. It was fairly convincing to my naive self honestly, I ate that shit up. But then, to cover my ass, the next day I had a chat with Kim's friend and then Kim and I talked and he had pretty much fed her the same line of bullshit. We actually bonded over it, became friends and hung out a few times. We still follow each other on Instagram and what not, she's cool. The first time we hung out we made sure Ty saw us together. (: That was fun.
I still hung out with the guys, so we still saw each other frequently but we stopped talking altogether. It was semi awkward, especially when he started selling hard drugs. Part of me wanted to intervene, you know, because I wanted to fix things. It was actually really hard to let go completely, when I had to see his downward spiral on a weekly basis still. It took a really long time to get past it. I still saw him as the person he had been when we met, that needed help, I wouldn't accept the fact that he had changed in such a way.
I would like to say I learned something from this but soon you will find out that I indeed learned absolutely nothing. It takes me a few too many times to see the light. I just hang on to the best possible versions of people no matter how long gone that person may be.
Well, till next time, xoxo