I really enjoy being single, doing what I want, when I want. Which if we're being honest, that's mostly just not putting my clothes away in a timely manner, or vacuuming regularly, or going to bed at a decent time because I don't have anyone else to worry about. (Yeah, it's currently 12:30am and I have to get up at 5:30 but oh well) It's just me, on my own time. Now that I think about it I probably at least need a roommate that bitches at me for staying up all night so maybe I would stop and start being a productive person during normal hours but for now.... I choose to never sleep unless its at odd hours during the day and not put away the 8 stacks of clothes on and around my bed because, lets be honest, no one goes in there but me. No one even goes upstairs but me. But I should probably vacuum, it has been awhile and I do shed quite a lot..... hmmm.
Anyway. I enjoy the single life for other reasons as well, but not good reasons. I love having my own life, pursuing the things that I want to pursue without having to worry about another person and how it will effect them. And then there's the little things like, I was listening to a song the other day on the radio that use to make me sad but it doesn't anymore because it doesn't make me think of anyone anymore. That in itself make me realize that I truly don't miss a single person from my past, I've literally never been this free. I don't even know what I mean I just know that it's true because I can feel it. I've never been so me, so not dependent on another person for my "happiness" or mental stability. I'm just me, still struggling every day, still lost most of the time, but I know I'm closer to greatness than I ever have been and lost in a way that is somehow right, not like before. Lost but I still know what I want and how to get there, it's just taking longer than I would like and I'm not so good at 10 year plans, ect. So I get sidetracked from time to time and the roads a lot longer than I would like it to be. I also know it could change at any moment. That's a great revelation for me. I've always been so resistant to change, but I've learned that it's a good thing, and I actually quite enjoy it. Before, anytime I got off track I thought my life was ending, and if you think I'm exaggerating you've never experienced one of my life crisis first hand. I'm always sure that the world is falling apart and there is no convincing me other wise. Seriously, when I decided that getting my PhD in Psychology wasn't really what I wanted I thought I would never go anywhere in life, I lived in a black hole, there was nothing better for me in life then everything I had right then and there. I saw no light at the end of the tunnel and then I took a year off school and was fairly worthless to be honest. I just couldn't even see my future anymore. That's happened a few times. I would get so attached to the idea of the future I had planned out in my head that if anything changed in it I didn't know how to deal with it. Thank God I've came a long way since then. So I'm free, nothing, not any boy or dream or image of my future, owns me. And for the first time I fully understand this. Which I think is a lot of why I think being single is so great. I have so many less worries.
Okay, so my thought process isn't so smooth tonight but...
What I'm really digging at here is that none of those reasons are even valid.
A relationship should never make you feel like the other person is holding you back, that you can't do something because it would inconvenience them or outshine them or whatever the case may be. You should never be with someone who you feel is holding you back in any way.
Choosing to be with someone means accepting them fully, accepting their hopes and dreams and passions and taking pride in that and knowing you're lucky to even have that chance.
You should be with someone that helps you grow, helps you see what you are capable of, helps you achieve you're goals and helps make your dreams a reality. Someone who helps you see the light when you're down, who is your light, and even when you loose sight of that for a moment, they are still there.
You should never feel like you can't do something because of someone else. If they love you they will support you, or they don't fucking love you. You support the people you love in all of their decisions, you want the best for them and should be willing to make sacrifices for them. But it shouldn't really feel like a sacrifice. I don't know how to better explain that.
I full heartedly believe that true love is not jealous in the least bit. If your significant other gets a promotion you should be proud. Some people are so twisted though, they get upset because the other person makes more than them or holds a higher position and they think it makes them look bad. No, what makes you look bad is how you handled it. You should be just as happy or more happy for them, it's not about you-----> just to clarify, it's not about you in cases like this because it's not a competition. Nothing should be made a competition in your relationship unless it's like beer pong or something, (: -------- and if it is about you, then do you honestly love that person..... probably not, you most likely just like the idea of that person or simply having someone around.
anyway, back to what I was saying, if you're significant other gets a job opportunity that is great and it requires them to relocate, you move with them! Because we are all open to dropping everything everything and relocating right? lol but seriously, it may seem hard at first but if that is your person, you go, because once you sit down and really think about it.. where else do you want to be? If it's not with them they're not the one. If your job is more important, or your social life or your resistance to change is too much for you to move maybe there's something more going on. Because honestly I am going to tell you straight up, I think it's more of a commitment issue. You can throw around what if's all day but if that's who you want to be with you will do anything to be with them.
I literally took another 2 week break from this post... after deleting a bunch on accident and getting too frustrated to type it all again.
But I'm backk!!
And I think I've said enough on the topic so maybe it's a blessing I deleted half the content.
Basically if you feel like the person you are with is an inconvenience in any way and/or wouldn't do basically anything for them, they aren't the one. Stop settling. Stop being with someone because it's easy or you don't want to hurt them. You're hurting them way more by staying when your heart isn't in it. You're wasting their time, so get it over with and let them cry it out, they'll be fine. I know, I've been there, and I would personally like to thank anyone who has ever broke up with me. Thank you for knowing I wasn't the one, because I might not have known it at the time but, yeah... you DEFINITELY were not it.
The way I feel now, free, like life's opportunities are endless, I should feel like that when I'm with someone else too, but more so.
I really said a whole lot more than this but I don't want to bore anyone and I'm sure not everyone even made it this far so for now.... I'm sorry for spilling all my random thoughts to you. I have a lot.
Till next time, xoxo