We all have our moments of utter shittiness, and I couldn't care less if you judge me based off of one 6 month period of my life. I'm sure there are things in your past that you aren't willing to share, or if you are you know would make you look bad. But a few bad choices does not define a person, and this I am sure of.
The next classic failure of my life I have already told you about, in my first actual post in January, about Blake.
So I guess I will tell you a little about the person I dated during that time period.
He shall remain nameless though.
So, I had met this guy a few times at my neighbors because they had a lot of the same classes and he would come to a party every once in awhile and I would go to studio with her every once in a great while. Then she moved in with me and he came over to help her move some stuff, at this point we still hadn't talked a whole lot. Then like a week later I went to studio with my roomie and sat and talked to him for a good solid 45 minutes. It was really fun actually so a few days later I asked him if he wanted to go to the paint party at the bar with us that weekend and he accepted my invitation. Honestly I just thought he was pretty cool and wasn't really interested in anything more than a friendship at this point. The night of the paint party a bunch of us pregamed at my place and then my roomie backed out on going so I went with him and his friends that I didn't know. We didn't drink the whole time we were there, being on the top tier of the stage, closest to where they were throwing paint, we didn't really see it as a wise decision. We danced the whole night and then walked the mile back to my place after and stopped at a house party on the way where I met a few of his friends. We then went back to my place and sat in the kitchen and talked until 5:30 in the morning, at which time he left and walked home and I went to bedddd.
We started hanging out, he helped prepare for my roommates birthday party with us and we studied for finals together, I didn't really know what to think. We hung out and made out but nothing else happened for awhile. It did eventually, but it was summer and he was going home until the fall semester. We talked every day, usually every night until one of us fell asleep. I went to visit him once, I was there for 3 days, met all of his friends there and had a great time. At this point he had already asked me out twice and I had declined both. But he knew I had Blake issues and still was fairly persistent. He had a house party the second night I was there and he asked me out again that night, I finally said yes. I mean he was pretty great and all of my reasons had to do with past experiences so they weren't that valid and he was a lot different than anyone else I had ever been involved with. He told me he loved me that night as well. The first time he said it I pretended like I didn't hear him lol. By this time he was drunk so I just brushed it off, it was pretty funny actually, he was standing on the roof when he said it and I was down on the deck, pretty easy to pretend like I hadn't heard. ha.
Guys, I don't like feelings. I don't like having them and I most certainly do not like expressing them. So knowing how to deal with them is fairly difficult.
I told him I loved him back at one point, but I'm pretty sure I didn't actually mean it. After all that's probably something you should be sure of right?
I left, we went back to talking every day, I ended up living at his friends house for a month while I was waiting to move into my new apartment. Which I'm sure they enjoyed because I cleaned like 3 times a week and they never did! I even washed their towels because the hamper was getting out of hand. I enjoy using my house wife skills when possible, and I kind of like taking care of people. It comes out at the oddest times, like when I'm living with a house full of guys I don't know and do everything I can to avoid lol.
Mid August the boyfriend moved back I moved into my apartment that I was never at because we spent 95% of our free time together at his place, where I stayed, and had my own closet space. He actually got upset with me one time because I did everyone's dishes all the time and his roommates never helped. I didn't care, I just like everything to be clean and put away!
Back at home, when I would go there my new roommate would annoy the shit out of me. Dallas was so annoying, always giving me shit about never being there when I would come get clothes or food. Too bad not too much time later me and the boyfriend broke up for personal reasons that are not my own to disclose, or you know I would, and then I was home way too much. It was the longest break up, we still talked to each other every day for like the next three weeks, we were almost closer during those three weeks. I knew him better than almost anyone so he would talk to me about everything. That was hard on both of us though and stopped abruptly for no real reason.
He is still one of the best people I know, but sometimes things just don't work out.
I haven't really been involved with anyone since, except my love affair with Blake of course, which is what it was. Not much and too much all at the same time, with long lulls between.
So it's been a year and a half of me being alone and developing my since of self and everything I want in life. There have been set backs, one of which I will fill you in on next time! So ....
Until then, xoxo